You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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