She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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