that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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