escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
