If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
