If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
