One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
