i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
