I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm having to shit out rocks
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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