K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
