I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
