Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
