True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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