is your mom at the bar?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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