best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
