he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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