Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize