At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize