my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
