We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
