Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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