She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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