Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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