rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
