I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
