omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
