yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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