Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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