I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
