Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
