Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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