bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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