And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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