I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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