we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
