I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
