life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
