your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
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Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
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My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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