I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
