The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
