I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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