Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
