It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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