I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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