you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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