It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
