If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
