dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
