its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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