are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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