what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
