haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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