he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
handjob tips. give me some.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
