Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
