did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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