Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
