i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
