Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
