One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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