I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
