She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
