so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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