I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
