FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
