She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
bring money and cleavage
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
