how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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