Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
