i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
